Since the beginning of time, society has tried to define the role of man and woman. Gender roles were set firmly as far back as the caveman era. Cave “man” hunted outside, while cave “woman” kept the home fires burning and gathered food nearby. Up to the 1960’s women were generally considered “housewives” and their husbands the “breadwinners”. Life for women changed dramatically with the advent and introduction of the pill. In the 1960’s this miracle pill not only changed the face of women’s options, but their behavior too. Women now had the freedom to choose the timing of pregnancy, but it also allowed them to enter the workforce. Without the fear of unexpected pregnancy, women became more work orientated. They became more confident in themselves and their role in aiding the family’s financial needs. This changed the rigidly set dynamics of gender roles in our culture and around the world forever.
Even today with this blurring of roles, gender differences are still apparent. Women are generally burdened with having to wear multiple hats. Not only do most women work, some full time, they are traditionally cast as the majority shareholders in all household duties and child care. Granted, most men have their own traditionally cast workload. However, working and bill paying whilst maintaining the status of “head of the household” hardly seems fair.
Inspiration for my next blog struck one weekend in our own household. My husband, bless his soul, works long, hard hours, often traveling for days at a time. Our household is split evenly, one man, one woman, one boy and one girl. As it so happened, I was working diligently on my homework and no-one had offered to make dinner. As night fell, so did my patience! I was too involved to want to stop for my “Mom” duties. Everyone was asking “When’s dinner?” Our daughter too, was busy working on her homework, and both man and boy were watching TV. I asked my husband to make a salad and my daughter to cook the frozen pizzas. Both recipients moaned and groaned, but eventually did as asked. Earlier that morning my daughter had already asked me why just she and I were cleaning the house. She felt we had already done our “share” of chores so the boys should do dinner. Neither man nor boy offered to do anything. It struck me like a blow to the head. I asked my husband why neither he nor our son ever offers to help. They wait to be asked (more like told), nagged, or we have to plain old beg. Just how far have we really evolved? Not much at all as far as I can see! How biased are these gender roles?
While I was pondering the subject, I realized my own role has recently changed. Until two months ago, I was a full time working wife and mother. I was laid off, and as a result I have lost my favorite argument. I used to say I work as many hours as Dad does and we all live here together. Therefore our chores should be equally shared, split between four of us. The loss of my full time job was also the loss of my winning hand. I have been relegated back to full time Mom, housekeeper and cook. I have no legal case to fall back on, so I shoulder the familiar gender role. It is strangely soothing and comforting, this safe haven of being home. I have less stress and more time to do my Mom duties, and fit part time school work in between. I don’t kid myself that this is temporary as finances are fragile. I often wonder how much of a Superwoman I would have to be if I found work soon. Something would have to be sacrificed in order for me to fit it all in. That would be me and my sanity. Of that I have no doubt. For now I actually relish my peaceful circumstances and do whatever I can to save pennies. It is amazing how much women fit into their lives all in the name of gender expectations.
Why do women seem to shoulder most of the cooking and cleaning? When I question my husband on our gender roles, he asks me why he does all the bill paying. I can’t answer that. Has he fallen into the gender trap too? How do we break this habit, and do we really even want to? I start to think about it and wonder if these gender roles have been ingrained in us from past to future generations. Is it instinctual, or have we bred the habit unknowingly? All I care right now, is how do I get the men in my family to shape up? How do I force my son to change and start volunteering? How do I ensure he grows up to be a respectful and responsible adult who can share the burden in his own household?
I have attached a cartoon version of men versus women. I thought it was perfect for my blog. It illustrates the fundamental differences between the genders. I had a good laugh at the part where it shows how much the woman does in the home, while the man watches TV!
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